The infamous hole in the wall. Note the fabric of the board is clearly visible |
I’m now far less self-conscious about
waiting for the driver to get off the bus to put down the ramp for me. H and
I got on board the bus. I confidently
gained momentum in second gear and in one seamless movement went up the ramp, continued
round to the right and stopped just in front of the other passengers. In order to do this manoeuvre, I needed to go
eyeball to eyeball with the occupants of the front seats. These seats are intended for the infirm
and elderly who are unable to make it to the back of the bus. I would try desperately to avoid eye contact
so I couldn’t see the apprehension in their eyes, afraid that I would run over
their toes.
Passengers on the front row of the omnibus having spotted Robert moving towards them |
Then I started to make progress; I managed to get to the point where I would merely scrape the wheelchair along the side of the pole, thus enabling me to continue the reversing procedure, and bring it to a successful conclusion. Unfortunately, the interaction of chair on pole resulted in a very loud, unpleasant shrieking noise, like the sound of two armadillos mating. (I’m unsure if this is a good analogy – I’ve never witnessed armadillos engaged in acts of passion - but you get the picture). I like animals. Here’s a pic of me with an armadillo on my lap, if you don’t believe me.
No armadillos were harmed in the making of this blog |
We arrived at the hospital on time. Visiting hours were 1-3 pm. It was 12.30 p.m. We had time to kill. We decided to get a drink from Costa Coffee (free advertising for Costa - good). I then made a decision that had unforeseen consequences. If I go on a long journey, I always take a bag with me. It will contain some or all of the following; waterproof top, sweater, urine bottle, newspaper, water bottle, fruit, shopping, and pepper spray to repel unwanted Aston Villa (AVFC) supporters. (My football allegiance is to Birmingham City Football Club [BCFC]. BCFC and AVFC are bitter rivals).
I’ve supported and suffered BCFC ‘since I were a lad’. Recently, the club’s star player, Jude Bellingham, aged 17, was transferred to the German club Borussia Dortmund for a fee in the region of £20,000,000. Bellingham played only 44 games for BCFC. Despite this the club decided to ‘retire’ Bellingham’s No. 22 shirt, “in an attempt to inspire the next generation”. This has left the club open to ridicule as most clubs only ‘retire’ shirts when a player has played for their club most/all of his life, probably making in the region of 700-800 appearances. One BCFC fan was quoted as saying, with just a hint of sarcasm, “we will aim to get exactly 22 points next season as a tribute to Jude” (most clubs would expect to get at least double that amount of points in a full season).
Carabiner in 'open' mode |
On this occasion, I decided to attach
the bag to the arm of my wheelchair, with the bag resting on my lap.
The rest of the visit passed off without incident. H’s husband was feeling much better than the previous day, and well on the road to recovery. It was not the coronavirus as first suspected. Visiting time came and went very quickly.
I started to wend my way homeward. As I did so, I realised I was hungry. I’d had a full breakfast before I came out, but nothing since then. I had thought about getting a snack from Costa when we had our coffee break but prices were ridiculously expensive (free advertising for Costa – not so good). In any case, I needed something more substantial than a snack. Therefore, I decided I wanted to get up close and personal with a kebab and chips (and not just a small portion).
A smaller version of the kebab. Not to scale. The actual kebab was 10 times bigger. Plus, it had chips – probably about 1000 of them). Plus, it was wrapped – but is shown unwrapped so kebab is visible. At this point the kebab retains its ‘non-elusive’ status.
This meant that my trip up the hill was, as usual, smooth and uneventful. At the top of the hill there is a pedestrian crossing accessible to people using wheelchairs via a dropped kerb. As usual, I went across the crossing keeping in a straight line, not deviating to left or right. I went up the dropped kerb on the other side and turned right.
At this point of the journey I always need total concentration. The pavement goes from almost level to very steep in less than 2 metres. Also, the camber of the pavement divides sharply 3 ways; left, right, and straight ahead. I needed to go straight ahead. At this point my kebab decided it wanted to become ‘elusive’, and made a break for freedom. It started to fall off my lap. I made a desperate grab for it. I managed to stop it falling on the ground.
Unfortunately, the successful grab meant I lost control of the hand-operated joystick on my chair, which selects the gears. Instead of going straight ahead as required, the chair went off to the right close to the kerb which was almost 12cm high. I took my hand off the control and the chair came immediately to a stop.
Unfortunately, by now the chair was on the edge of the kerb, wobbling precariously, like the mini (the small car, not the short skirt) on the fulcrum of the mountain in the final frame of The Italian Job (watch the original film from 1969, not the 2003 remake).
The next time – in Part 2 - the kebab
continues to be elusive … but then turns up in an unexpected place …..